Witchboard - No witches, very bored....

Okay, not a lot of films piss me off, even the remakes don't make me as mad as this 1986 crapfest. When I went to imdb.com to see what the reaction to this movie was, I knew that I might piss some people off by saying this film sucked. Well it did. And it is one of those worth watching because of that.

I will give it credit for trying the pscyhological approach to scaring people, but that really doesn't matter when it doesn't scare all that much. Starring Tawny Kitaen (yeah) as a woman that is introduced to the mystic art of the ouija. The movie starts with a very pretentious 80's party, where Tawny is overly dressed up compared to her guests, when her ex-boyfriend Brandon, whips out his ouija board. I hate this guy. Nothing gets my panties in a twist more than when this guy goes into a 5 minute speel about his ouija, correcting people and acting all holier than thou. Seriously, this is the guy you wished you didn't invite to you own party. Tawny's fiance, Jim, even mentions this before, during AND after!

So you are probably asking why I get so irrate with him. The fact that he doesn't know what the hell he is talking about when it comes to ouija boards. It has to be a man and a woman using it? What!? Never heard that one before, and I have been around one all my life. And the fact that the guy contradicts himself when he said the name ouija is the combination of oui (french) and ja (german) for yes, then almost immediately says it wrong and butchers both languages. And since when do you have to have it on your lap? Oh, and that a spirit attaches itself to one board only (which the movie proves itself wrong nearer the end). I think all of this was an attempt to get back with Tawny. Anyways, they contact the spirit of a ten year old boy, and that pretty much tanked the party. Jim is the only 'sensible' one, dismissing the ouija's powers to the point of being a complete asshole.

Once I get past this, and calm down, it isn't that bad. Brandon accidentally leaves his precious ouija board at Tawny's house, and she decides to use it on her own. Tsk tsk, naughty Tawny! The story continues with Tawny using the ouija board, thinking she is still talking to the little boy, when in fact she is talking to this creepy old evil spirit. There is a side story about Tawny being pregnant, but it was an effect of using the ouija by herself. Wow, that never happened to the people that I know that has used one lol. Some evil stuff starts happening after this, like Jim's co-worker dies, and Tawny starts cussing and acting violently for the first time ever. Wow. Maybe that is why she beat up her husband in 2002.

Brandon, being the self imposed ouija expert, decides to bring in a pscyhic to help expell the demons. Oh my god, it's like they brought in a punk version of Janine from Ghostbusters. Well, needless to say it didn't work, and she was taken home. I swear to god if I hear 'Just a little pscyhic humor' again I will kill someone. The ghost must have been pissed off at her too, cause he threw her out the window, and she got impaled on a fencepost. My husband then brilliantly said 'Just a little psychic humor!' MST3K moment there :)

In an attempt to help a now possessed Tawny, Jim and Brandon get the brilliant idea of going to the lake where the little boy died and using a different ouija board. Brandon clarifies this by saying it is okay to use a different board because they are so close to the death site. Yeah, that is like frosting a turd. Anyways, the evil spirit must have gotten sick of Brandon's crap, cause he did him in with a close up camera shot to the back of the head. I felt bad for Jim, he had to go back to his house alone and deal with a possessed Tawny.

The movie ends with Jim having to deal with his wife being possessed, and whether or not to shoot her. He shoots the ouija board instead, and they move away. The neighbors are cleaning up the house (apartment?) and started thinking the ouija board would be fun to play with. Wink-wah!

If you are having a horror movie night with friends, this would be a good one to choose. It is bad, has some good points, and you can make fun of it at the same time. And if you are one of those that looks for the boobies in films, it is 1 hour, 26 min into the film, in the shower.

I am convinced that this movie is the direct result of Tawny seeking help from Dr. Drew on Celebrity Rehab. But don't take my word on it....

I give it impaled psychics out of ten.

Left 4 Dead - Zombies at their most Awesome!

Now, I don't play a lot of video games, especially ones in this type of genre, but I had to tell you all about how awesome Left 4 Dead is. We have it on the XBox 360, and it is one of the best games I have seen in a LONG time! Not since I was scared silly with the dog jumping through the window in the original Resident Evil game have I been so excited about playing a game.

You are apart of a group of 4 people trying to fight your way through mobs, masses and plethoras of zombies. I am seriously not joking you, there are shitloads of zombies in this game. Even the most bloody thirsty zombie killers will not be disappointed with the sheer numbers of zombies pouring out of every hole, chimney, window and oriface of the landscape. My favorite part so far has to have been the '300' style herding of zombies through one window, that is fun to dispose of. When you least expect it, zombies just jump out at you from no where.

The beauty of this game is that it is co-op, you can also log into XBox Live and play with other people, as a human, and I have heard also as a zombie. Yes, play as a zombie. I haven't got to try that yet, but I will let you know if that is true.

I really like how each chapter is set up like a movie, with movie posters for each load scene, with awesome titles such as 'No Mercy', where you are making your way up to the top of a hospital, and 'Death Pact' where you are on the outskirts of a small town working your way in.

This game was released November 17, 2008. Give it a try, you won't be disappointed!

Remake redux

I totally agree with all of you that have said that if we stopped seeing these movies, that Hollywood would stop making them. Unfortunately, most people didn't get that memo, and they keep on churning out the crap. It does seem that it has slowed quite a bit over the past few months, maybe it's the calm before the storm, lol. There are a slew of remakes scheduled for 2009, and I do honestly think that some die hard fans will go and see what the remake is like, just out of morbid curiosity, like watching a car wreck. Usually the word spreads quickly on sites like imdb.com, and it really influences people's decisions. I personally will wait for the DVD release. When I do see any of these movies, I will definitely let you know about it :)

Maggie said in a comment that there needs to be a new antagonist. That is so true! We haven't had a decent, solid character in years. The only two that even come close to that is Rusty Nail from Joy Ride, or Jigsaw from the Saw series. (Forgive me if I have forgotten any). One that makes people piss their pants in fear, or makes them look between their fingers covering their faces. Fresh, innovative ideas is what this industry needs, and a couple of psychopathic ORIGINAL characters. Doesn't that sound exciting?

I hates me some remakes, I do!

Okay, if you have read my blog before, you would know my distain towards horror remakes. Sure, there are a couple, if that, that are half way decent and watchable. I mentioned before that they are remaking The Evil Dead, which is stupid, but there are a few more horror/scary films that they are remaking. Dammit, when will Hollywood stop the madness??

The first one really pisses me off. They are remaking Hellrasier. I can't think of a reason why they would remake this film, except that it was made in 1987 and the producers don't want to be reminded of their 'Wall Street' and Flock of Seagulls days. It was fine the way it was made. What could possible be done to make it better, or as Hollywood calls it, make it 'new and improved.' My ass! lol I couldn't find a lot of information about this remake, but I do know it is slated for 2009, and is rumored to have Clive Barker at the helm. How about a sequel instead?

The second just makes me groan. Child's Play. C'mon, you know that this one is going to be filled with over the top murders by some CGI fake doll. I like Chucky, that thing is scarier that hell. I don't care if it doesn't look 'real', it was a doll, and it is awesomely scary because of that. I just wished I had one of those dolls now, the things I could do with it. Haha.

Okay, I know that they have remade Alfred Hicthcock's Psycho over and over and over again, and you almost come to expect one every 10 years or so, but The Birds?! Yes, they are remaking it, because apparently producers don't think it was good the first time around. No, it's really because they have no imagination of their own. Seriously. You know that the tagline of this movie is going to be 'A Classic with a Twist.' Again, many different gory ways a bird can peck at you. I put money on this remake not being anywhere as psychologically scary, and just plain gore.

It has been around 10 years worth of really crappy remakes of awesome horror films. I guess we will have to sit back and wait for the producers to run out of classics to bastardise. Then they will see what they have done, and have to remake them again....

Zombies - Zippy or Zimmer frame?

I thought since halloween is gone, and there hasn't been that many horror films on recently, that we could have a little debate. The topic - do you like your zombies fast as lightning, like in 28 Days, or slower than a frozen dog's turd, like in Night of the Living Dead. Or, do you like them all crazy, whacked out, like the psuedo-zombies from Uwe Boll's House of the Dead, where the zombies spring to life, literally, on visible springboards?

For me I think there is an element of suprise with faster zombies. I know I am old school, but I would be more scared of something about to eat me coming at me 20 miles per hour, rather than a zombie that you can play Red Light, Green Light with. I even like the idea of an intellegent zombie, like in Land of the Dead. There should be more insight into the concept of new ideas for movies, instead of the constant, straight to DVD remakes that they are throwing up recently. The most current news on remakes are Friday the 13th and Evil Dead, yes, even Evil Dead is getting a 'wonderful 2008 makeover.' You know these are going to be filled with the flavor of the month and this weeks latest craze, neither which belong in a horror film.

Two words: bull shit. Another 4 words to add to it? Cannot replace Bruce Campbell.

Your thoughts.....

This Was Halloween.....

I hope everyone's Halloween was safe and fun! I was so busy yesterday with school parties, trick or treating, haunted house and other activites, that I wasn't able to post. The worst ever thing to be on Halloween is sick, especially as a kid, and my son come down with a fever yesterday afternoon. Bless his heart, he trucked on and got as much candy as he could, went through the haunted house a couple of times, then collapsed on the couch.

We decided to continue our 'festivites' today by watching Nightmare before Christmas, which is an awesome movie. Yesterday the only things I got to watch was an episode of Judge Judy (which in itself was scary lol) and Halloween Resurrection. I didn't like this one as much as the prequels when it came out. Okay, I didn't like the second half of this movie. The parts with Jamie Lee Curtis were good, but this is one of those movies that seemed to me trying to cash in on the latest thing, in this case was reality shows. And are people really that stupid to stay in that house? How many times did Michael Myers come back over the years, and killed at least 12 people that I can remember.....just doesn't sound like a smart idea to me.